I mentioned in my last blog how we planned to spend our Valentines day, with peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and movies in bed. We decided to splurge a little and actually ordered pizza from our favorite pizza place, but the movies in bed still did happen. He was awake for a couple hours, so we made the best of it. If you would have told past Josh and Jenna that this is how they would have spent their Valentines day, they would have laughed. Josh and I are not ones for going all out on Valentines day, but we do celebrate it. We make an effort of getting dressed up and go to a fancy restaurant and eat over priced food. It's fun and something we have always done. This year, things were different. We weren't the same couple, or even the same people we were last Valentines day. This year, we spent it in bed and then at ten o'clock, I gave my husband his nightly dose of Chemotherapy. It still amazes me how much our lives have changed. It still baffles people that this is our daily routine, that this is our life. All I can say is never take a day for granted. No, we didn't go to an expensive restaurant. No, we didn't shower each other with gifts. Yes, we spent it in our pajamas and in bed. Yes, I picked out my own flowers because my husband can't be left alone and he was in the wheel chair that day. But I spent my 10th Valentines day with my husband. To me, that is a win.
Josh has always loved food. I am in no way exaggerating this, this kid LOVES food. In his list of things he loves in life, I'm sure it goes Food, Me, Archie, and Video Games. I am also in no way pointing out how..plump my husband has become, that of course has been the steroids he has been on for the past five months (that they JUST removed him from a couple weeks ago). No, this is a love story between Josh and food. I can remember so many times in high school where he would eat dinner at his house and the come to mine and eat dinner again. I always called him my bottomless pit because he was just that. Being military, he has been in shape, so this wasn't a problem. Since starting Chemotherapy though, my bottomless pit became a "I've eating five grapes and I'm full for the rest of the day" kind of person. It was frustrating. I kept pushing food on him. I would make his favorite foods, he would eat a couple of bites and be done. I went out and bought junk food. I figured if he ate that, at least he was eating and that's all I wanted. During Chemo week, he would eat a banana a day. Literally, that was all he was eating. He would maybe (and that's a strong maybe) eat a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. After Chemo week, you would think he would be stuffing his face, unfortunately that wasn't the case. I pushed food, he rejected. This past session, I mentioned this to the Master Chief in charge of Navy Wounded Safe Harbor, he mentioned getting prescribed weed. This NEVER occurred to me. I mentioned it to my parents, they pushed me to ask his doctor. We were nervous asking for it, he's still active duty so we assumed he would be laughed at and told to just deal with it. We decided to ask his primary care doctor, he's very chill and laid back, figured it was the easiest person to ask. We had a whole scenario planned out, what exactly we were going to say, what our argument would be. We practiced it over and over. We went into the appointment. He asked Josh how he was doing...Josh's answer "ehh, i'm okay. i rarely eat, which I know isn't normal..I have a banana a day and I'm full for the rest of the day..." Doctor: "okay, you want weed?!" Wow, it was SO easy! He wrote the prescription, Josh and I walked out completely relieved and yes, we made a ton of stoner/weed jokes the entire day. We still do. He took his first dose and ate an entire meal. Last night he took two pills (which he is allowed to take up to four a day) and wouldn't stop eating! I was so incredibly proud of him. It is THC in pill form, so he doesn't smoke it. It is purely used to give him the munchies, as it is used to help patients with anorexia. He get's a little high, which is just completely fine by me. He's eating somewhat normal again, he still eats a banana/yogurt every morning. He might pick at lunch. But dinner is where it is at. It's amazing that something so small as just eating would mean the world to me. I get so happy when he finishes the food on his plate, it makes me a very happy wife!
I mentioned in my last blog how I was getting therapy for mental health. I am happy to report things are slowly getting better. I was given some "happy" pills that seem to be doing their job. Josh has seen a difference, I have seen a difference. I am getting therapy once a week and it's a great outlet for me to just verbally dump my problems on someone other than my husband and parents. I am working through it all and though it's taking time and it's mentally exhausting, I am doing better. I am open about it mainly because I feel like no one really is. Depression is something no one wants to talk about, notice, or just deal with. I strive every day to make sure my husband is happy, it took me a while to realize that in that process I wasn't happy. It took me a while to admit it and get help for it. I am a work in progress but I am working on it every day.On a happier note, Josh and I got tickets to the Washington Wizards vs Detriot Pistions game last night. We love going to sporting events and always take the opportunity to do so. These tickets were given to us from his support group, Young Adults with Cancer. We had a fun time, it's no where near as exciting as hockey but it was fun to try something new!
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