It's frustrating. After reading the email sent to us by his doctor about his current status, I sat in our car and cried. I am helpless. I literally can't do anything to make his levels even out and as someone who has been labeled a control freak, it's hard to accept things I have no control over. Even Josh is annoyed, he's frustrated that he can't get his own levels evened out. It's not something we can control, we know that. But delaying chemo throws our entire month off. We have to shift around appointments. Some appointments can't be moved, so if Chemo happens next week he will be taking his E6 exam in the middle of it. That's life, I guess. Josh has been ordered for a sleep study. Between Chemotherapy, Steroids, and just having a brain tumor, his entire sleep schedule has been out of whack since we arrived here. He did ambien, that did literally NOTHING for him. If I took one, I was out and slept for 10 hours or so. For Josh, he sleeps an hour and is back up for the rest of the night. He tried lunesta, which helps but is a pill you can't take regularly so there are nights when he get's no sleep at all. His doctor explained that it's very common with brain tumors. So we are waiting for the appointment to be made so we can get some more answers.
On to happier and positive news, two things happened this past week. Josh's MRI came back AND he celebrated his six month smoke free anniversary! First off, MRI. He has to do one every time before a chemo session. His MRI came back "normal" as he has no new growth. We were so happy! We realize (and I hope you, my readers, do too) that he will never be tumor free. He will always have this little sucker, but no new growth is good. It's just sitting there, next prayer is for it to start shrinking. As far as the smoking goes, YAY! Josh started smoking in 2009 or so. He is a social smoker, but still needed it at work. He rarely smoked at home, mainly because I can't be around it, also because he rarely needed it. But he was a smoker. By doctors orders he is not considered a non-smoker until six months after quitting, so he's hit that milestone! I do believe that he would take a cigarette right now if it was offered to him, but I think that's everyone who has dealt with an addiction. The even better thing is that he's basically done it cold turkey. He had the gum, only chewed it for a month. He had to stop it because it was making him sick. He switched to the lozenges, hated those. He only did them for a few weeks. He's done the patch, hated that. It was just easier for him to completely quit on his own and not be around those who do smoke. I never thought I would be so proud to say he's a non smoker at doctors appointments, but I am! I am so happy with the changes he made in his life, it makes me a very proud wife.