Wednesday, April 1, 2015


Since being diagnosed, the word "normal" hasn't been something to describe our life. In the past few months, our life was completely flipped upside down and we were left to put the pieces back together. We have developed our new normal. We have formulated routines. Medication has been evened out. The seizures have stopped. We are able to go out in town and not be constantly worried about medical issues that may arise. I hate to say it, but I have become comfortable with hospital visits, doctors prying into our lives, and just the overall medical world. Our normal is a new kind of normal, something that most people don't experience. Something that most people won't have to for a very long time. In some ways, I am proud of our new normal. I am proud of where we are now versus where we were a few months ago. I am proud of the struggles we have been through and the obstacles we have overcome. We are not perfect and it's all been trial and error. But I look back at the people we were a few months ago and I can't help but feel anything but pride. We are making it through this, one day at a time. We are stronger people. We are a stronger couple. We are more compassionate towards each other. We take time during the day to just lay next to each other and talk. We talk about anything, everything, and nothing all at the same time. We are slowly getting back to the couple we were and slowly shedding the negative things we used to do. I feel as if this whole situation is molding us into the people and couple we should be.

Round 4 of chemotherapy is complete! Josh's lab work finally came back normal last Tuesday and we were able to start that night. I hate chemo week. I know it's something he has to do and right now it's saving his life, but I HATE it. In the beginning, it was the week where I was constantly worried, was constantly on edge, and lacking the most sleep. Any noise or movement he made during the night I was up and ready to take him to the hospital. By the third session I had calmed down enough to allow him to actually sleep through the night without me worrying about the small movements he makes. I guess it should be known that we don't sleep in the same bed right now. I know, I know! How can that be?! I always looked confused at couples who said they do this and think, HA that will never be us. Well, two months into doing this and I realize that not only is it great for us (Hello so much space in the bed!) but it's good for him. All amount of being a deep sleeper is gone for him. He sleeps in total 3-4 hours a night. Mixed in with me moving and what not during the night, he would get 1-2 hours. So since we have the spare room, we decided it was best to do this. I'm not saying he sleeps like a baby now without me in there, but he at least get's some sleep which is good. All of this adds into hell week, I mean chemo week. I'm not right next to him, I'm down the hall in the spare room. I can't randomly wake up in the middle of the night, roll over, and just check to see if he still breathing. Yes I am creepy like that, haha. As far as chemo goes, he's only been sick the first session. Like I have said in past blogs, they have found the right anti-nausea medication for him.

This session was SO good. In the past, he would sleep all day, be very lethargic, and moody as all get out. This session, he was almost..dare I say it..normal?! The whole time I kept saying "don't say this is going good, you'll just jinx it." I was literally waiting for the day when chemo symptoms would hit. He was tired, but no where near what he did in the past. He actually took his E6 advancement exam on Thursday. I was dreading it because I thought he would be to tired or nauseous to do it. I thought that I would have to push him in his wheel chair and explain it to the Chiefs giving the test that he may get sick during it. Nope. None of that happened! He woke up, had breakfast, got dressed, walked to the test site, and took the test in uniform! I was so proud to see him in uniform again, he looked so happy. We won't know the results for awhile, but I'm kinda interested to see how he did compared to a few months ago. We were told that he could sign a wavier to not take the test due to chemo brain, but Josh said he didn't want to do that. He isn't to concerned with advancement, what's the point of wearing it if he can't actively be one. But I think deep down inside he wants to prove himself. He doesn't want the cancer to be the thing keeping him from taking the test. He want's to be treated like every other Sailor, something that I can completely understand. After seeing him act this way, I figured I would go ahead and splurge on some hockey tickets for Saturdays game.

I never thought in a million years that two kids from Florida would love hockey as much as we do!
We have been to four games over the season and are planning on more before the season ends. This game was at noon, which I was grateful for as he could still go and do his chemo at night. He was tired on the train ride there, but once he got in his seats, he was ready to go. He loves the game, he really gets into it. He was screaming along with everyone else. Whenever things got heated between the players, Josh would scream "Drop your gloves!!" so loud that I swear those who were watching it on TV could hear it. I was dumbfounded that this person sitting next to me screaming like a mad man was the same person who would go home and take his chemotherapy. He was so normal, so like himself. In that moment, I had my husband back. For three hours, I was able to not be the caregiver, but I was the wife. The hockey fan. The girl embarrassed because her husband was being a devoted fan. The Capitals lost, but that didn't matter much to us, we had fun. Yes, the tickets are expensive. But who cares?! It's moments like that I will remember for ever, the memories that will last a life time. I honestly have no idea what we are going to do when hockey season is over, I guess we will find another sport to fall in love with!

On a holy crap that is a thing moment, I just passed 2,000 views on this blog! I am completely amazed. I know it's just family, friends and whoever shares this with others but I am blown away at how many views I have, I didn't set out to do that. When that book deal comes my way, I will remember all of those who have supported us along the way. For that, I leave you with the most updated picture of Josh's hair. Don't freak, he actually had to get a hair cut! He wasn't in Navy standards, haha!

 Now all he has to do is work on connecting one side to the other, haha

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