Tomorrow is New Years Day, so tonight we will ring in the new year, a new day, a new chapter in our books. As I look back at 2015, all I can say is "I survived." There were many moments when I wanted to give up, yet I kept pressing on. Josh and I always joke that we wish we could pack everything up, grab our dog in Florida, and go to a remote island to live. This is usually said after a grueling chemo session or a extremely exhausting week. Ever so often we add people to our island, family..friends..his Oncologist. Most times it's just us two and Archie. It's a fantasy world for us. A place where we are just married, not caregiver and patient. Where cancer doesn't exist. Where we can do as we please and often times we never want to leave. As the year is coming to an end, we are starting to see our fantasy world become a reality. No, we are not jetting off to some remote island (though, how cool would that be?!) but within the next few months (realistically, 6-7) we will be packing up everything we own and moving back to our own Paradise..aka Florida. Now, I know most of you guys who read this actually grew up in Palm Bay and left swearing you would never return. I was apart of this group. I was a proud member, one that honestly thought that I would NEVER move back. However, life changed. In the past four years, we have grown up. We have experienced more in the past year than most, but the main realization is that no place can ever replace being home. You never realize how much you miss it until you've been in a really shitty place. I'm not saying the places we have lived are shitty, more like the situations were. I am realistic in saying I know moving home probably won't change much of anything, in fact we might end up hating it. But, it's a shot worth taking. My mood that came after this last time home made me realize that we are making the right choice. For once, in a long time, when we got to our apartment in Maryland, I was actually homesick. It has put me in a mood...or a funk these past few days. Josh finally picked up on it last night (not that it takes him a long time to realize this, he is dealing with his own stuff...so I don't blame him!) mainly because I try hard to hide it. 26 years old and I prefer to stay at home with my parents and husband, so not cool. But who cares, I love hanging out with our families..sue me!
As many know, we just spent 2 glorious weeks in Florida. I am not exaggerating when I say this was probably one of our best leave periods home! Did we do anything? Not really..it was so nice! We did have a few high lights though. One being that Josh and I took my parents to a hockey game in Tampa, which was a lot of fun. By the grace of the hockey Gods, the Capitals were playing Tampa Bay the first weekend we were home! We bought tickets in the nose bleed sections, mainly because it was the only four tickets available when I bought them, also because hockey tickets tend to be pretty expensive. We actually had good seats, right in a sea of Tampa Bay fans, haha! Of course our Caps won, woohoo! My parents were able to experience the ultimate hockey fan, Josh. I'm surprised some fights didn't start because of all the trash talking Josh was doing, lol. We spent the night in Tampa, so we went to the Hard Rock casino were we all lost money on penny slots! My luck must not be there because I lost all of the ten dollars I put in...within minutes. Josh was up by a few bucks but ended up losing it all. My parents had their fair share of good luck, but eventually it all went away and we walked away before it got worse.
We also were able to see the new Star Wars movie while we were home! It was originally supposed to be just a low key bro date between my dad and Josh, but it actually grew to me tagging along and then to his parents also going. It was amazing! I'll admit, Josh did marry me knowing full well that I had not seen any of the Star Wars movies, surprise I know! In my defense, I had seen part of one a few years back but I couldn't tell you which one or why I never finished it. A few weeks back I borrowed my brothers blu-ray disc set and binged watched all six movies over the span of two or three days. Once I actually sat down and watched them all, I fell in love with the series! Josh and I usually don't agree on franchises like this...I hate Lord of the Rings, and he loves them. I love the Hunger Games, he hates them. But, Star Wars is our common ground and being married to one of the biggest Star Wars nerds it definitely helps to like the series as well. But all in all, the movie was great. Josh and I wore Star Wars shirts and enjoyed every minute of it. It was pretty funny because every gasp or "woah" moment he had, I had as well. 
What else happened...oh I spent some time in the ER! Fun times! It was surprising this trip that I was the one who was sick the entire time. Usually it's Josh, last year he got the flu. Over Thanksgiving he had a severe cold/sinus infection. But this time, apparently my body was tired of all the attention he usually gets and wanted to get sick instead. Two Sundays ago I felt like complete shit. I was lethargic and had a head ache the entire day. Around 5ish, I started having chest pains. I thought it was odd, but didn't really look to far into it. Around 8ish though, I had thrown up five times and thought...hmm this is serious...lets go to the ER! (Side note, I realize how appropriate the picture next to this is. Honestly, Josh and I always take "tongue out" pictures..I just feel this one is perfect for this paragraph haha) Aside from the audience I had at home, no one knew I was sick. (See it is possible to not post everything on social media!) I say audience with love, as everyone in the house was so concerned and making sure I was okay. No one likes throwing up, so I really hate it. It's surprising how fast the ER moves when you say you are having chest pains. They had me in the back within moments of checking in. I was immediately given an EKG and then they did a chest x-ray to rule out anything dealing with my heart. I was given fluids for dehydration and morphine (yay!) for the pain. They ruled out (and I quote my nurse) "any life threatening..things you might die from...conditions" haha I had to laugh at that. They assumed I pulled a muscle, because I did have a very stiff neck the day before. They sent me home with some strong pain killers and muscle relaxers. I was down and out for two whole days. I felt terrible but Josh assured me that it was okay to take a break, how sweet lol. Christmas Eve I also had a battle with a 24-hour stomach bug! I'm telling you all, my body just wanted a break apparently..that and I think it was because my mom was there to take care of me. I don't care how old I get, I will always need my mom when I am sick, lol.
I am thankful that I was able to spend Christmas with our families! I love Christmas, always have, always will. I love it even more now that I have a niece we can spoil. I also love recreating other peoples pictures of their children tucked in bed, sleeping, waiting for santa to come with our dog Archie. He looked so cute and facebook was blowing up with kids tucked in their beds and since we haven't been blessed (yet) with that, we did the next best thing and tucked Archie in haha. We spent Christmas Eve with Josh's family at his Aunts annual Christmas Eve dinner blow out. Half way through is when I started having my *eh hem* stomach bug symptoms, so for those of that family reading this, sorry we left so abrupt! It was amazing as always though. Then our Christmas was very low key..and hot. It was 80 degrees! But we opened presents from each other and from Santa (aka my parents, lol) and took Josh''s grandma out for Christmas lunch. We then went home and spent the rest of the day doing nothing, it was great, lol. 
Now it's New Years Eve. I used to make the cliche resolutions. Lose weight. Be a better person. Blah blah blah. As of last year though, I swore that I will no longer make resolutions. I have realized my life isn't in my control. I always go back to my tried and true "If you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans." Every plan I have ever had has been blown some how. If life went by my control, I would have two kids, a house, a masters degree, and my husband wouldn't have cancer. But, I can't control it. So for now, I have my health, my happy marriage, and my husband. Why mess with something so good? Josh and I have decided to be responsible adults and stay home. Okay, honestly, we have no place to go and honestly, I really don't feel like being in a tight room, surrounded by drunken people just to watch a ball drop. I can get drunk at my house, watch the ball drop on my tv, and avoid the whole crowd thing, lol. So our plans for tonight is to hang out, binge watch Big Bang Theory until 11:30 where we will watch the countdown..if we stay awake until then..lol
Happy new year to you both hope next year is even better for you both
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