Saturday, October 3, 2015

Looking Back...

The month of September never held any significant value to me. Aside from the few birthdays celebrated in this month, I never really paid much attention to it. I looked forward to it as it eased into my favorite season, fall. But now September holds value. It signifies life changes, struggle, love, hatred, and celebration all in one month.It's been one year since we moved to Maryland. It's been one year since Josh had brain surgery. It's been one year since Josh quit smoking. It's been one year since Josh was diagnosed.

It's been one year.

I don't think that you should celebrate a diagnosis. The day that forever changed our lives shouldn't be honored. I didn't even realized I missed it until I wrote the date the next day. While I hate that day, it has showed us so much this past year.

It showed me how strong I can be.
It showed me how loved I am.
It showed me how much love I have for him.
It showed me how strong we are.
It showed me to stop worrying about stupid things and to live in the moment.
It showed me that money isn't everything, memories go ahead and blow $300 on hockey tickets...the memories are worth it.
It showed me that despite my weak stomach, I can pack gauze into a golf ball size hole in my husband.
It showed me that chemotherapy is a cold, heartless bitch. It takes a person with so much life and joy, down to nothing.
It shows me that life is worth living.

So yes, we have been through a lot. A lot more than anyone our age should go through. But we are also grateful for some strange way. I am proud of how strong our marriage is. I am in awe of my husbands strength, courage, and commitment to making it through everyday with a smile on his face. Although we have lost some friends on this journey, I am glad for everyone who has stuck around and for those who call or text me to check in on things. To our families, thank you. We wouldn't have made it through this year without the constant cheering and supporting.

A lot of things are changing within the next year or so. I know from our past year that we can handle anything life throws at us. I won't say bring it, because to me that seems like you're just asking for it. But I know deep down that, whatever happens, we are prepared. We will make it through this.

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