Stupid Cancer

If anyone has followed my facebook the past few days you have seen a lot of post about my handsome hubby rocking some sweet cancer gear. I got introduced to stupidcancer.org by his support group corrdinator. I noticed, which it isn't hard to see, that Josh has a confidence issue since being diagnosed. He lost his hair. He gained weight. He constantly tells me "I wonder if people wonder what wrong with me. I am not missing a leg. As far as they can tell nothing is wrong. I wonder if they think I shouldn't be here." Many things like this are said to me on a constant basis. We live in an apartment building with many many people missing arms, legs, and even half of their body. So I can understand why my some what healthy looking husband wonders if anyone wonders whats wrong with him. His illness is invisible to those around him. I have even noticed when it comes to the booths set up around the building that hand out free stuff to the wounded warriors. Josh always gets over looked mainly because he isn't constantly in a wheel chair or missing limbs. It breaks my heart when he really wants to do something but they over look him because he looks healthy. They assume everything is okay. After months of noticing this, I couldn't take it anymore. I went online and have found shirts and hats that show support. I don't want my husband to walk around with a big sign saying "Hey look at me, I have cancer." But I want my husband to be treated equally. I want people to not take pity but to realize that just because his illness isn't visible, he is still a wounded warrior and he matters. Today he gained a little bit of confidence.

I have also noticed how, for a lack of better words, much of an asshole some people can be assholes towards him. My husband has NEVER used the cancer card. He will never ask for special treatment. He doesn't believe that anyone owes him something because he has cancer. That's never been him. It's never been me. We just don't do that. But people stare. People stare hard. I honestly think it would be better if they just came up and talked to him. But those people that stare don't have enough guts to do that. We went to a hockey game for our anniversary. Now, I have never had a problem with getting his pills in or a bottle of water. Never had a problem with explaining it was used for medical purposes. Hell, the WHITE HOUSE didn't care. They have four security check points and every single person understood and didn't give me any crap over it. But back to the hockey game. I had a water bottle in my purse, like I have done million times over. The same place that we had just gone to the previous week for a basketball game, took my husband's water bottle and threw it away. I was furious! I explained over and over, he needs it for his pills. He needs it because his weed pills give him dry mouth. And damn it, it's just water! It wasn't opened. It wasn't like I brought a case with me. It was one single bottle and she threw it away. She told me that I had to buy water. All $4.50 for a bottle. A BOTTLE. When I brought in a bottle from my house that was perfectly fine. But no. So after walking away, Josh goes "I really should have used the cancer card." Like I said, my husband is very passive. He avoids conflicts. Me on the other hand, I gave her a piece of my mind. Later that night I was laying in bed thinking how embarrassing it must have been for my 27 year old husband to have his wife fight his battles. I was a little embarrassed (not by much, it wasn't like I cussed her out..though I wish I would have!) and tried to think of a way for him to fight his battles in his passive aggressive ways. 

Behold, the literal cancer card! 

All I can do is laugh. Yes, it's a little crass. But people can be assholes, so why can't he be one too? I had to get a 100 of these suckers made, so you best believe we will be using them! 

One Step At A Time....

March 11th, we celebrated our fourth wedding anniversary. Anniversaries mean something to us. As a couple who has been together for almost eleven years, we still celebrate everything. This year was supposed to be different though. He was supposed to going through Chemo on the week of our anniversary and my birthday. We went in for his regular blood work and it came back, once again with low blood count. They had to delay Chemo because if he was to develop an infection, his body would not be able to fight it. His counts were not to low, you're supposed to have 100,000 and Josh was at 70,000. This didn't warrant any concern by his doctor, so we were able to celebrate as planned, just a little frustrated that it was delayed. For our anniversary we went out to dinner with a gift card that was given to us by my parents. Josh took his weed pill and though he ate everything in sight, he also got slap happy high and we had to go home, haha. For my birthday, we went out to Medieval Times, which was fun and he thoroughly enjoyed it. We went back this past Tuesday to re-do his blood work. His red blood cell count came back low, not dangerously low, but they didn't bounce back over the past week. His platelet levels went from being to low to being very high, which they call reactive thrombocytosis which is basically because he has healthy bone marrow that is over correcting for the chemotherapy. They put him on a week worth of baby aspirin that is used to prevent the symptoms of the thrombocytosis. This has put Josh two weeks behind on Chemotherapy, so fingers and toes crossed that we will be able to do cycle four this next Tuesday.

It's frustrating. After reading the email sent to us by his doctor about his current status, I sat in our car and cried. I am helpless. I literally can't do anything to make his levels even out and as someone who has been labeled a control freak, it's hard to accept things I have no control over. Even Josh is annoyed, he's frustrated that he can't get his own levels evened out. It's not something we can control, we know that. But delaying chemo throws our entire month off. We have to shift around appointments. Some appointments can't be moved, so if Chemo happens next week he will be taking his E6 exam in the middle of it. That's life, I guess. Josh has been ordered for a sleep study. Between Chemotherapy, Steroids, and just having a brain tumor, his entire sleep schedule has been out of whack since we arrived here. He did ambien, that did literally NOTHING for him. If I took one, I was out and slept for 10 hours or so. For Josh, he sleeps an hour and is back up for the rest of the night. He tried lunesta, which helps but is a pill you can't take regularly so there are nights when he get's no sleep at all. His doctor explained that it's very common with brain tumors. So we are waiting for the appointment to be made so we can get some more answers.

On to happier and positive news, two things happened this past week. Josh's MRI came back AND he celebrated his six month smoke free anniversary! First off, MRI. He has to do one every time before a chemo session. His MRI came back "normal" as he has no new growth. We were so happy! We realize (and I hope you, my readers, do too) that he will never be tumor free. He will always have this little sucker, but no new growth is good. It's just sitting there, next prayer is for it to start shrinking. As far as the smoking goes, YAY! Josh started smoking in 2009 or so. He is a social smoker, but still needed it at work. He rarely smoked at home, mainly because I can't be around it, also because he rarely needed it. But he was a smoker. By doctors orders he is not considered a non-smoker until six months after quitting, so he's hit that milestone! I do believe that he would take a cigarette right now if it was offered to him, but I think that's everyone who has dealt with an addiction. The even better thing is that he's basically done it cold turkey. He had the gum, only chewed it for a month. He had to stop it because it was making him sick. He switched to the lozenges, hated those. He only did them for a few weeks. He's done the patch, hated that. It was just easier for him to completely quit on his own and not be around those who do smoke. I never thought I would be so proud to say he's a non smoker at doctors appointments, but I am! I am so happy with the changes he made in his life, it makes me a very proud wife.

As far as me, I am still a work in progress. I am changing around therapist now as I couldn't stand the one I have. I do believe that sometimes it's good to shop around for therapist. You shouldn't be afraid to do so. For me, it's all about a comfort level. I have to click with you before I am able to tell you my deepest darkest secrets. I have had two in the past few months. Both of which I didn't click with. One that focused to much on my marriage and making issues that weren't there. And one that focused to much on me emasculating my husband (YES, she said that). I am not looking for a miracle worker. I realize that their job is to help me sort through my problems. But the advice they were offering me was unrealistic for a wife taking care of her husband who has cancer. Her big advice was to go Target by myself. Yes, I am going to leave a seizure prone person in a room by himself so I can go get away for an hour?! Uh no. Her other advice was that my life revolves to much around his cancer. UH EXCUSE ME?! You don't ever tell a mother that her life revolves to much around her child. You don't ever tell a career woman that her life revolves to much around her career. But because my husband has cancer, and I am his main care giver, its wrong that my life revolves to much around him? He is my life. He is my everything. So no, I don't work. I don't go out with friends. I don't go shopping by myself. I can't tell you guys the last time I got my hair cut. My nails are trashed and we won't even go into shaving my legs. Yes, I have let myself go. Before anyone says it, yes I know I have to make time for myself. I have to put my needs in there too and I do. I am merely stating all of this to give everyone an idea. But spend a day in my life where I am constantly caring for another human being and you'll see why. No, he's not in a wheel chair and he doesn't physically depend on me. But I try every day to make sure his days are easy and stress free. So if my house isn't clean. If the dishes aren't done. And if I didn't make it to Target by myself well then that's fine. Because I know my husband is happy. I am happy. And to me that is all that matters!

Love & Basketball

Chemo..Chemo..Chemo..We made it through our third session. For some reason this session was harder to get then in the past. Josh did his blood work the day prior and it came back with low blood cell count. Could have been a minor infection, could have just been the previous chemo. Whatever the reason is, they delayed us a week. We were told to come back to do another blood test and hopefully we will get back on track. We also found out during this time that Josh is anemic, which could be the result of the cancer, the chemotherapy, or Crohns disease. Have I mentioned he has that also?! Yes, he does. He was diagnosed shortly before having the seizures last September. He is currently in remission. Fingers, toes, and all other body parts crossed, it stays away. They decided to put him on Vitamin D and Iron supplements to help treat the anemia. The following week, February 11th, he started his third round of chemo. They have figured out the right regiment of pills for Josh to successfully go through chemo without throwing up and we have formulated a strict schedule to help prevent it as well. It's all trial and error. We have changed medications so many times I am surprised the pharmacy doesn't hate us. However, I am forever grateful for the Oncologist he has and the team behind him.

I mentioned in my last blog how we planned to spend our Valentines day, with peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and movies in bed. We decided to splurge a little and actually ordered pizza from our favorite pizza place, but the movies in bed still did happen. He was awake for a couple hours, so we made the best of it. If you would have told past Josh and Jenna that this is how they would have spent their Valentines day, they would have laughed. Josh and I are not ones for going all out on Valentines day, but we do celebrate it. We make an effort of getting dressed up and go to a fancy restaurant and eat over priced food. It's fun and something we have always done. This year, things were different. We weren't the same couple, or even the same people we were last Valentines day. This year, we spent it in bed and then at ten o'clock, I gave my husband his nightly dose of Chemotherapy. It still amazes me how much our lives have changed. It still baffles people that this is our daily routine, that this is our life. All I can say is never take a day for granted. No, we didn't go to an expensive restaurant. No, we didn't shower each other with gifts. Yes, we spent it in our pajamas and in bed. Yes, I picked out my own flowers because my husband can't be left alone and he was in the wheel chair that day. But I spent my 10th Valentines day with my husband. To me, that is a win.

For everyone that is friends with us on Facebook knows that Josh was prescribed medical marijuana! For those who care to know why and how it all happened, continue reading. For those who don't, just know..YAY WEED!

Josh has always loved food. I am in no way exaggerating this, this kid LOVES food. In his list of things he loves in life, I'm sure it goes Food, Me, Archie, and Video Games. I am also in no way pointing out how..plump my husband has become, that of course has been the steroids he has been on for the past five months (that they JUST removed him from a couple weeks ago). No, this is a love story between Josh and food. I can remember so many times in high school where he would eat dinner at his house and the come to mine and eat dinner again. I always called him my bottomless pit because he was just that. Being military, he has been in shape, so this wasn't a problem. Since starting Chemotherapy though, my bottomless pit became a  "I've eating five grapes and I'm full for the rest of the day" kind of person. It was frustrating. I kept pushing food on him. I would make his favorite foods, he would eat a couple of bites and be done. I went out and bought junk food. I figured if he ate that, at least he was eating and that's all I wanted. During Chemo week, he would eat a banana a day. Literally, that was all he was eating. He would maybe (and that's a strong maybe) eat a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. After Chemo week, you would think he would be stuffing his face, unfortunately that wasn't the case. I pushed food, he rejected. This past session, I mentioned this to the Master Chief in charge of Navy Wounded Safe Harbor, he mentioned getting prescribed weed. This NEVER occurred to me. I mentioned it to my parents, they pushed me to ask his doctor. We were nervous asking for it, he's still active duty so we assumed he would be laughed at and told to just deal with it. We decided to ask his primary care doctor, he's very chill and laid back, figured it was the easiest person to ask. We had a whole scenario planned out, what exactly we were going to say, what our argument would be. We practiced it over and over. We went into the appointment. He asked Josh how he was doing...Josh's answer "ehh, i'm okay. i rarely eat, which I know isn't normal..I have a banana a day and I'm full for the rest of the day..." Doctor: "okay, you want weed?!" Wow, it was SO easy! He wrote the prescription, Josh and I walked out completely relieved and yes, we made a ton of stoner/weed jokes the entire day. We still do. He took his first dose and ate an entire meal. Last night he took two pills (which he is allowed to take up to four a day) and wouldn't stop eating! I was so incredibly proud of him. It is THC in pill form, so he doesn't smoke it. It is purely used to give him the munchies, as it is used to help patients with anorexia. He get's a little high, which is just completely fine by me. He's eating somewhat normal again, he still eats a banana/yogurt every morning. He might pick at lunch. But dinner is where it is at. It's amazing that something so small as just eating would mean the world to me. I get so happy when he finishes the food on his plate, it makes me a very happy wife!


I mentioned in my last blog how I was getting therapy for mental health. I am happy to report things are slowly getting better. I was given some "happy" pills that seem to be doing their job. Josh has seen a difference, I have seen a difference. I am getting therapy once a week and it's a great outlet for me to just verbally dump my problems on someone other than my husband and parents. I am working through it all and though it's taking time and it's mentally exhausting, I am doing better. I am open about it mainly because I feel like no one really is. Depression is something no one wants to talk about, notice, or just deal with. I strive every day to make sure my husband is happy, it took me a while to realize that in that process I wasn't happy. It took me a while to admit it and get help for it. I am a work in progress but I am working on it every day.


On a happier note, Josh and I got tickets to the Washington Wizards vs Detriot Pistions game last night. We love going to sporting events and always take the opportunity to do so. These tickets were given to us from his support group, Young Adults with Cancer. We had a fun time, it's no where near as exciting as hockey but it was fun to try something new!

Glimpse into my world

I remember standing in the bus on the tar-mac in Sicily thinking "how did I get here?!" I knew how I got here physically. I had friends that drove me to the airport. They helped me check in and said goodbye to me at security. But in that moment, I couldn't for the life of me center myself long enough to realize what was actually going on. My husband had been medically evacuated the night before. I was running on three hours of sleep within the past four days. I had to leave my house. My dog. My car. My entire life in Sicily and board a plane to Germany to fly home. I had dreamed about flying home for many months prior. I had started packing up my house. I started getting things together for Archie to fly home with us. Then all of a sudden my entire life flipped on it's side and I was left in the middle of it trying to figure out what to do next.

Fast forward to about two weeks ago I was walking to my NMA (non-medical attendant) meeting. Prior to the meeting I had asked Josh to help me take out the trash, it was like four bags and I couldn't carry it all. In the mist of it all, we had a fight. Yes, about garbage. And yes, it was completely stupid, but I was hurt and walked away. I went into the USO for my meeting and saw his Master Chief. Immediately I broke down. I felt so stupid for doing it. I never cry in front of people, it's just something I don't do. I felt overwhelmed, stressed out, and just plain over it. We have an amazing Master Chief that talked me down and sat with Josh while I went into my NMA meeting. Luckily for me, my meeting consisted of only me and two military family counselors, I had hit the jackpot! I cried. I talked. I laughed. I cried some more. It was three hours of a complete emotional roller coaster. When I left, I felt better. I had finally let it all out. I told someone other than my husband and immediate family all that I was going through and all that was bottled up inside. While I was in my meeting, Master Chief had called an emergency therapy appointment for me the following day. I went. 

The therapist explained to me that I am going through the stages of grief. I am grieving the old life I had. I am grieving the life we had planned to have. I am grieving the pregnancy that we were supposed to be experiencing right now. In a matter of an hour she had put my entire life in perspective. I want it to be known that I in no way shape or form blame Josh. This disease is something that literally came out of no where and knocked us both on our ass. There is no guidelines or instruction manual on how you are supposed to deal with this all. Each person grieves in their own way. For me, it's bottling it all up until I complete crack. For Josh, it's humor, he makes light of situation and tries his hardest to be strong for the both of us. I know a lot of people constantly say, "oh you're handling this so well." or "man, you guys are always so positive" but if they all knew the amount of times during the day I break down and cry they would all be surprised. I'm not here for a pity party, I am just here to show that we are in fact human. I am merely indulging you all on a part of my life that I keep very personal. I sat on the fence for awhile on reasoning how much is to much to share. I have come to the conclusion, that I've already shared a lot. Everyone has read our process with freezing the sperm and fertility so that's enough TMI already. Am I going to share every down moment in my life? No. Am I going to mention every time Josh and I have a fight? No. But I do think it needs to be known that we're not living this Leave it to Beaver life style. We fight. We argue. We cry. We laugh. We make up. And we go on with our lives. This has by far be the most trying thing on not only us but our marriage as well. I take every day with great appreciation, for it is one more day that I have with my husband. I fight with him. I yell at him. I regret doing so more often than I used to, but I am only human. I try hard, really hard in fact to make sure his life is as easy as possible. That he doesn't have to worry about the medications or the appointments. Yes, we spend a lot of time at the movie theater and yes, we have seen pretty much every movie currently out right now. But honestly, please, tell me where else can I take a cancer patient?! He enjoys them. I get a break for a few hours. It's a win win. So to all, let me remind you, there is no manual. There is no guidelines. We are literally flying by the seat of our pants and just praying we are doing it right. Do we mess up? Yes. I often worry about that, but we're making the best out of a crappy situation and I'd say we're doing pretty good.

*Side note* If anyone, and I mean ANYONE is feeling depressed, overwhelmed, or just feel the need to talk it out with someone, please don't be afraid to ask for help. I wasn't to proud to ask for it, I just assumed that I was doing okay and that I didn't need it. Once I started talking, I literally had word vomit and I couldn't stop. It's so freeing to finally be able to tell someone something that you have kept bottled up inside. So please, don't be afraid to ask for help when help is needed! 

On to a more relevant topic, Josh has been delayed Chemotherapy by a week. He had blood work done on Tuesday that reveled his blood cell count was low. It could be caused by an infection or just the chemotherapy itself. We decided to wait a week and redo his blood work. For now we are planning a chemo friendly Valentines day dinner consisting on peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and movie night in bed :)

New Year, New Start

New year, new name for the blog :)

Wow, I haven't updated this in a very long time! Things have been pretty crazy around here and now that Josh has finished his second round of Chemo, things have started to slow down. I feel as if I have to back track to let people know what's going on in the Hearndon house!

First off, Josh started his first round of Chemotherapy last month. Temozolomide (or the easier name, Temodar) is a five day therapy once a month allowing him the rest of the month to recuperate. The first night was complete hell. We were naive (once again, let's be honest, when are we not?!) and thought "Okay, he'll just take the anti-nausea and go to bed and everything will be sunshine and rainbows like the doctor said." uh NO. It was about midnight the first night that I woke up to my husband violently throwing. Lucky for us we had the foresight to put a trash can right next to the bed. One time went by. Then the second time. Then the third. By the fourth throw up session I figured something was wrong so I packed him up and dragged him to the ER. While there he threw up two more times. He couldn't keep anything down, not even water. They gave him Zofran (Josh's new crack..it's amazing!) and let him sleep in the ER for a couple hours. Since the hospital was so nice to give us a thirty day supply of the Zofran, the rest of Chemo was a breeze. He finished his first round and we were able to have the rest of the month off to do with as we pleased. 

*Side bar, he had a MRI done which came back normal. There was no new growth, meaning the radiation did it's job at not allowing the tumor to grow!* 

Christmas was coming up, so we decided to pack up the car and drive down to Florida. Since Josh is prone to seizures, he is not allowed to drive.  Instead I would have to make the 16 hour drive down by myself. We had planned on just breaking it up in a few days and just take our time. Lucky for us my dad was home from work at the exact same time as we planned on leaving, so I had a driving buddy! I won't bore you guys with details of our two weeks in Florida, but let's just sum it up to Josh doing a lot of sleeping, beach days, spending time with our niece, and Josh catching the flu! We also got to spend the two weeks with our love puppy, Archie! Archie has been living with my parents since October. He adjusted just fine and has two playmates to spend his days with. He's losing weight and wrapping his grandparents around his little paw, haha. 




We came back to Maryland last Sunday. On Tuesday Josh started his second round of Chemotherapy (it was also on this day that we witnessed our first real snow fall of 3 inches! So cool for two Floridians!) This time around was different, they upped his dosage and added in a stronger anti nausea. I was hesitant of this new pill because every other one we had tried didn't work. I stayed up half the night the first night of chemo just waiting for Josh to throw up. Instead, he went right to sleep and slept the entire night! I was relieved to say the least. It's not fun waking up to your spouse violently throwing up in the middle of the night. Especially when it's something you really can't control. He has to take the pills, so the result is almost expected. This round went really well though. We were able to leave the apartment and do things around town. The past two days however he has been stuck in bed with exhaustion. So far, (fingers crossed) that is the only major side effect. On Tuesday we filed to get a wheel chair. We are still in the process of getting one, which will help us out immensely. I feel as if he will get more freedom with one, and I will get a great work out pushing him all over town! 

*Another side note, I have been told countless times that I need to take this story and turn it into a book. I, in no way, shape or form even consider myself a writer or could even fathom doing so. But I have decided to at least look into a the possibility of it. Who knows, years from now you guys just might be reading my very own book!* 

Radiation, Hockey, and Fertility OH MY!

SO MANY UPDATES!

First off, Josh finished his 6 weeks of radiation, we even got to keep the mask! This crazy looking contraption was what he wore every single radiation session. When he walked out of the appointment all I could think of was it reminded me of a deer head to hang on the wall, haha. We met with his Neuro Oncologist to discuss what's next. He told us he wanted to start Chemo as soon as possible, so on December 9th Josh will recieve his first round of Chemotherapy. He will be doing the pill form, so he will do five days of medication and then has the rest of the month off. They have told us minimal side effects, nothing to crazy but let's be real, it's chemotherapy so it's not going to be a walk in the park. Luckily it's only for five days. Shortly after his first round is completed we will be driving down to Florida to spend the holidays with our families, something both of us are extremely excited for. PLUS we get to see our pup, Archie, which literally makes us burst at the seams with excitement.

 Secondly, we have officially become hockey fans! To our luck, the place where we live (which is full of Wounded Warriors) was offering free executive suite tickets last Tuesday. Being two people from Florida, we have never experienced a hockey game. We went with low expectations, mainly just those of hoping to see a huge fight. I love sports, any team, any sport..I'll watch it. Josh however has no desire for them. I remember by the second period I looked over at him and he was completely mesmerized by it, he LOVED it! Last Friday we went to the event coordinator at our building to see if there were more tickets. Unfortunately there were not but as we were walking out of the office, someone from the USO offered us tickets for a game that night RIGHT in front of the rink. Of course we accepted, we even went out and bought some shirts so we didn't stick out as much this time! We were so close that you could hear the skaters skating on the ice. You could see their facial expressions and even here them cuss out other players. We also saw our first fight! It's safe to say that we made it a point to tell his liaison that any tickets that come up, we would love to have them!

Last and most important, we were approved for freezing of sperm! TMI I know, but I figured it would be rude to not share ALL of the good news! As I said in my last blog post, making my husband a father has been my goal since day one. Thanks to my mom for actually asking the doctor, we decided to go ahead and freeze his sperm before he started Chemotherapy. Last week we got the approval of payment from Operation Second Chance, who footed our bill of freezing and storing the sperm. It's a one shot chance since he starts chemo soon. Since Josh has never had any fertility test done so we were extremely nervous about the outcome. I mean honestly, how often do you even think about how your 27 year old husband could be infertile?! So he did the required blood work (the picture shows his awesome camo bandage afterwards) and we waited to hear what to do next. We got the call last Thursday that our appointment was set up for this past Monday to go to a sperm bank in Virginia. I'll spare the details, but he did it! We had to wait a few days for them to run the test to even see if we had a shot at freezing sperm. Which, little fun fact, did you guys know that you can freeze sperm for a very long time?! I'm talking like, 10 years and on! The lab tech told us that he has seen sperm that is 27 years old, live and active! Crazy stuff, huh? Anyways, back to us. Next step was to wait to hear back from the clinic to see if he even was able to freeze sperm. The past three days have been agonizing, to say the least. We were told to just wait and they would call with the results. By day three, I couldn't take it anymore and I basically forced Josh to call to check in on the results. Turns out, no news is actually good news! Josh came out normal, with the exception of a few percentages off to do insemination as the result of radiation. They recommend IVF for a better chance of us getting pregnant. I'm elated that the results came back normal and that there is a chance for us to have a child together. We will be waiting though, at least until mid-next year. I don't need myself throwing up from pregnancy and Josh throwing up from Chemo, haha.

This was at the sperm clinic, haha!

We also celebrated his 2 months of being smoke free! I am so proud of him!

So for now, we are just enjoying each day. We are taking weekly trips to Washington DC and riding the metro like real city folk! We had a two week visit from Josh's Mom, which was really great. It was nice to get a break from medical appointments and just enjoy family. Thanks to all that have checked in on us and to those who continue to show your support!

Genetic Testing and Love!

10 years.

We celebrated our 10 year "dating" anniversary this past May. For those who know the story, you can skim past this part. For those who don't, let me tell you about my favorite love story.

Our story isn't a whirl wind romance. There was no sparks flying and I didn't see fire works when we kissed. Ours was real. It was full of ups, downs, and all the crazy things in between. We met when I was fourteen and he was sixteen. We have known each other practically our entire lives, we just never really hung out until high school. We had different friends, different interest, and to be completely honest, Josh was the class clown while I was the quiet girl in the corner more concerned with her grades than boys. We had taken a band trip to Williamsburg Virginia, and that was where we finally got to hang out with each other (mainly because Josh was interested in all of my friends EXCEPT for me, but that's ancient history now!) Immediately I was drawn to Josh, like most people are when they meet him. He's always there for a quick joke or a piece of useless knowledge but that's what drew me into him. We started dating on May 20th, 2004. Like I said, it was no world wind romance. We broke up, got back together, broke up again, swore we would never get back together, and on and on. A couple years into the relationship I severely doubted us as a couple. We broke up weeks before his senior prom, however he still asked me to go with him. It was that night that I completely fell head over heels in love with him and I knew he was the man I was destined to marry. Life happened, he joined the Navy, I graduated high school and immediately enrolled into college to get my degree. Life changed, he moved, I stayed in Palm Bay. We spent days, weeks. months apart, but I knew deep down in my soul that this was the man I was meant to be with. Fast forward to a few months ago. We celebrated our 10 year "dating" anniversary. We didn't do anything special, dinner at our favorite restaurant followed by a quiet night at home watching a movie.


10 years.

We have never been the couple to rush into anything. We got engaged in 2007, but didn't get married until 2011. We didn't move into with each other until 2012, when we moved to Sicily together. So having a family has always been something of an idea for later on. We talk about it all the time. We plan things out and we get excited when we see a new born baby, just sitting in awe of what our life could be like with a little Hearndon. We were actually supposed to be moving to Virginia around this time, November 26 to be exact. We had planned to get pregnant shortly after. We were ready. Unfortunately God apparently had different plans. Josh's diagnoses has definitely put the baby making on hold, When we got the news that it was brain cancer and that they wanted to do genetic testing on him, we DEFINITELY put the baby making on hold. I hate seeing what my husband is going through and I am literally sick to my stomach at the thought of my future children going through the same thing.

They did genetic testing on Josh. They drew two vials of blood and those tiny tubes determine our entire future. They tested 29 genes and the testing would take four weeks to produce results. So today, with one phone call, our life settled into place. Josh tested negative! Though he's still has a rough battle ahead, the possibility of having a child really make the future look bright. So what does this mean?! Well, for us it means that we will talk to a fertility specialist as soon as possible. We would like to freeze some sperm before he starts Chemo. Josh's entire world revolves around having a child and being a father, so I am willing to do absolutely anything in my power to make my amazing husband a father.

Josh completed his fourth week of radiation last week. He is doing great, kicking ass and taking names. We meet tomorrow with the Neuro Oncologist to see what's going on from here. Tentative date to end radiation is next Monday, November 10th, the day before Veterans day!